Just a quick update in reference to my last blog, "online dating". That is going terribly..2 months down and 4 more to go on my subscription; if that is what you call it.
Any who my late night thought was, you know how people ask what you would change about your past, and you lie and say nothing because you don't want people to think you're pathetic or a whiner. Well I am going to bare all on this question, because there are some thing I would change although I really don't want to change my current outcome to much. However, I know any actually travelling back in time to make these changes will alter my current situation regardless. So here goes anyway.
What would I change about my past?
I would definately say I wish I would have been more social in school, gone to my prom, kissed a boy. Hell admit that I had a crush on my crushes. Joined in on more sports and activity clubs. I wish my parents hugged and kissed me more. I wished they acknowledged me as a person no matter my age. I wish I was comfortable and confident in my own skin back then. I regret all the dumb mistake I made as a young adult, such as getting credit cards and maxing them out unable to pay for them. I wish I took the time to understand finances, credit and investments. I wish I knew what a good man was, I wish my father was that role model or that there was that in my life so that I wouldn't have such terrible taste in men. I wish I had a more stable life not being bounced from base to base. I wish I told my daughter's father no and made us work it out, but of course I can't make someone do what they don't want. I would like to have been married before my daughter was born. It's a hard job being a single parent, you worry ten times more than two parent households. I love my daughter I would not change a thing about her.
What would I change now?
I wish I could say what was on my mind out loud without feeling guilty or dumb.
I wish I could hug and kiss my daughter without feeling of discomfort and unease.
I wish I wasn't so anxious about life and my future.
I wish I wasn't broken into a million pieces.
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